Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Thorn In My Flesh

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12, "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

I am not sure I understand this passage, but I do understand having a thorn in the flesh that I cannot remove. And God allows for that in His goodness. Despite the pain. Despite the confusion and struggle against its presence.

My thorn in the flesh is mental illness. During the first seven years of my marriage (including the early years of my children's lives), I was clinically depressed. It was awful. I am still dealing with the consequences of that struggle. But God brought about healing, thanks to Bible study, scripturally-based counseling, and medicine. I have not been depressed in many years, and I am grateful. Praise God!

The thorn still stuck in me is obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have dealt with OCD since childhood; I just didn't know it. I am one of the most organized people you could meet. I rarely forget things. I think of and take care of details very well. But in recent years I have realized that the degree to which I do these things is not healthy. My mind was constantly "on." I would check and re-check paperwork. I poured myself into ministry compulsively, intensely, with abandon - and often neglect of my family. My attempt to be in control left me exhausted. But it's what I knew AND it's what I was often commended for. Can something be a gift and a curse at the same time? If so, that's what obsessive-compulsive disorder has been for me.

These days I am doing better. I continue to go to counseling, and I refuse to feel ashamed about that, as some people might. I even started medicine. It makes me incredibly tired, which I don't like. But I am a LOT calmer. I can let things go. My energy is increasingly spent on relationships, not tasks. I'm organized, but not obsessively so. I feel lighter. This side of heaven, I may be stuck with this thorn. But God's grace is sufficient. And I'm looking forward to Heaven where, "we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." (1 John 3:2) I will be perfect in Christ. Even now He is perfecting me.

What's the thorn in your flesh? How do you handle it? Where do you find encouragement despite the anguish? How has God shown Himself to be your healer and ever-present help? I'd love to know!

- Kathryn



Monday, June 17, 2013

salty

a week or two ago i was having a conversation, and asked how someone was doing. the response was that he was "very salty" right now. and he had reason to be - everyone around him had what he wanted, and what he wanted wasn't there for him.

and it got me thinking. and it got me praying.

now, i'd be lying if i told you that i'm a huge prayer warrior. all too often my prayers are sad leftovers at the end of the day before i drift off to sleep. however, this particular situation had me praying hard.


christians often think of saltiness as a good thing because we usually think about it in the context of salt and light. but that's not what i'm referring to, and for some reason that descriptor stuck with me. it's the biting form of salty. the type of salty where you get so much salt rubbed in your wound that you start spitting out ocean water.

it's coarse. harsh. overpowering.

it's something we often attribute to people instead of situations. but the thing is, we don't know what other people are going through.

sometimes, sure. but most of the people we interact with - directly or indirectly - on a daily basis have no idea what the status of our heart is. nor do we know the status of their heart or life or what situation they are living in.

and i often live so much at the center of my own world, that i refuse to think they may have a very good reason for the saltiness.

she may be like me just over a year ago - the sight of my baby boy may only remind her of something she desperately wants that constantly eludes her. the sight of my wedding ring may remind him how much he wants to be married, and have a family of his own. or it may remind her of the husband who left, or passed away.

you never know what triggers something for someone. and it's easy to assume the worst about other people. it's basically our default setting. repay rudeness with rudeness. repay attitude with attitude. repay offensiveness with offensiveness. repay salty with salty.

what jesus asks us to do goes against every fiber of our humanness --
turn the other cheek.
repay evil with good.
love those who persecute you.

love people anyway. love the unloveable. pray to see the world through the eyes of christ.
the simplicity is striking, and yet so difficult.

how would it change your daily perspective to see people as christ does? would it change your perspective?

yes, we live in a hurting and broken world. yes, that pain is real and it is deep.
but take heart, he has overcome the world!


xo,
katie

Monday, June 10, 2013

Out With The Clutter!

For the last few months, we have been in the midst of a sort of 'fruit basket turnover' related to where our children sleep, within our home.  When our oldest left for college last fall, we thought it was time to let the girls have their own room and the boys could share a room, when they both were home.
 
As the project is winding down (thank goodness), we have 3 newly painted/decorated rooms, 3 others that have been thoroughly cleaned and 9 years of collected clutter cleared out.  The result is some pretty cool new spaces in our home, each reflecting the personality of its occupant(s).



 (Abby's Room)
(Mackenzie's Room)
(Boy's Room)

As we have finished each room, I have enjoyed sitting in the room for a while and soaking in the newness.  Each room feels like a new beginning, even the rooms that only received a deep cleaning and de-cluttering feel new again.
 
But as I sat savoring our hard work and enjoying the newness, I realized that our verse this month, Lamentations 3:22-23, offers us the same experience, spiritually speaking...  "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

I don't have to let spiritual clutter build up in my life...  grudges, unforgiveness, bitterness, guilt, shame, sin...  I can bring it all to the throne every single morning and because of God's great love, He will cleanse my heart and breathe new life (and joy...  AWESOME sermon Rick!)...  into my soul! 

Just like clutter and dirt in a home hides its true beauty and the personality of those living there, spiritual clutter hides the beauty of Christ in us.  Instead of letting days, weeks, months or even years go by, let's take time each morning to de-clutter our hearts and receive the compassion and mercy that God so graciously offers us. Great is His faithfulness!!
Blessings,
Sharla