Tuesday, May 14, 2013

be my everything

ever since sunday i've been convicted time and time again by rick's sermon, and the song we sang at the end of the service.

be my everything.

i find myself praying that simple prayer, and yet at the same time hoping that i don't ever need God to be my everything. hoping that i don't ever get to the point where i have nothing else left. it's convicting, and it's hard.

right now, i don't think i could be that pastor in iran. i don't know if i could withstand daily torture, and know that God is my everything, and i need nothing else.

it haunts me.

true, we don't wish that for anyone. it's atrocious that these acts are happening in the first place, but that story haunts me. it haunts me because of what's being done to him, but it also haunts me because i could barely make it through a few years of infertility with my faith intact, and i did not make it through unscathed.

we all have struggles. we all have hurt and deep pain.

but Jesus is there in the hurt, in the weeping, in the deep pain.
he is there in the midst of the struggle.

he was with me for those mother's days when i wondered if i would ever be a mother. yes, i still struggled, but he was there with me, holding me up.
he was there with me, celebrating my first mother's day and keane's baptism.

in the joy, and in the pain. God is still the great I AM.

Lord, be my everything.
because you are everything.


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